I flew "home" for the weekend - spent some time with my father. It was really nice and relaxing. My sister and I were supposed to return to LA on Sunday evening, but due to the massive fires in Southern California, our plane was cancelled. We arrived safely in Orange County Monday afternoon, and my luggage eventually joined me. In all honesty though, I have to say that I feel very fortunate that a cancelled flight and some late luggage are the worst of my woes with this huge tragedy. Fortunately, my family and friends are all safe. My heart goes out to those who have lost their homes, and even their lives - as well as to the family and friends of everyone involved...I wish you all the best.

On a happier note - today I got my test results back - negative on everything. What a huge sigh of relief. I was sure I was "clean", but it was definitely weighing on my mind. Now I know - and now I'll be more "careful" to make sure that I won't have any doubt the next time I test. phew

Ironically, last night I found myself at a silent art auction for AIDS Research - regardless of normal strange coincidences happening in my life - something is telling me that I need to devote a little more attention to this topic - whether it's for my own well-being, or for the well-being of others. I need to make a conscious effort to research more, and maybe participate in fundraisers or charities related.

I feel like a human pin-cushion: 2 needles, 1 speculum and a few cotton swabs later - now all I have to do is wait. They say the hard part is over...but for me, the waiting is much worse than the actual test itself. Even when we "know" that we're "clean" - it's still nervewrecking waiting for results to an STD and HIV test. You always run through the inevitable..."what if...", and then the "there's no way...is there?!" Bah - why do we focus so much attention on stressing over things - especially when we don't even know. (I guess it's the obvious - fear of the unknown - a fear that haunts us all at one point or another.) I'll try to focus my energies on more positive things today - I just hope the anxiety doesn't increase throughout the week.

I don't have the patience or stamina to deal with new things right now. The effort it takes to meet new people, set up new jobs, incorporate new hobbies - while maintaining my schooling, working and overpopulated group of friends and family (all of whom I love dearly) - but honestly, how do I find any time or spare emotions to give out...I don't know that I can. Generally, I'm always up for new things - I welcome the experiences with open arms...but tonight, I'm tired......tired and frustrated. The past few weeks have been like a rollercoaster - with new people, new possibilities, new options - it's just a little overwhelming. I think I'm going to hide for a couple of days - see if that helps...tomorrow I'm going to do nothing but veg out, do a little studying for a midterm I have on Monday, bbq up some grubbin' food, write a song or two on my guitar and maybe squeeze in a rented movie here and there. I think I just need some time to be alone and enjoy myself - not have to entertain people's silly notions of me - just loaf around all day. Ahhh....sounds like heaven. Ok, so the ringers are getting turned off - the instant messengers are all going on invisible - and I'm going to be in isolation. I can't wait to breathe.

This week has been mediocre - with a few flashes of fun and spontaneity. I'm working on the new design for my web site (Flash for now, but I plan to create a non-flash site as well, in the near future) - it's exciting to actually have something that I'm creating completely on my own. There's a feeling of true accomplishment with that.

Yellow pastry puffs - I'm looking at a picture of a squishy older lady in a bulky yellow tea dress, wearing a white hat that pinches her head, with this beautifully goofy smile - and all I can think of are yellow pastry puffs. Hmmm...I wonder if she yields that reaction often with people? I'm not sure it would be a great thing to go through life reminding people of yellow pastry puffs - but perhaps I remind people of something strange as well...I just hope it's not something vulgar like a toilet bowl brush; or a used, hairy toothbrush...contemplating never wearing that overly-furry sweater again...

Anyways, thankfully, school is over for the week, and I have some time to relax. (I have a History midterm on Tuesday - so I can't relax too much - but I'm hoping to slack off a little here and there.)

Ta-ta for now, and may you have a wonderful evening yellow pastry puff lady, wherever you are.

Neglecting something is the truest form of flattery...or is that impersonating?! Regardless, I've definitely been neglecting this journal. When I finally sit down to focus some attention to my Vox Populi, that annoying "bink" sound of my friend desperately wanting my attention on IM rings over and over again. Can I ever have a moment?!

This has been a newer section of my life - I've been doing a lot of revamping. Revamping normally consists of changing my ways, working on myself and "cleaning out the 'ol closet". So naturally, in order to facilitate a healthier me, I'm on the inevitable "diet", which is going well, and I plan to stay on for as long as it takes. Controversially - I'm on Atkins - and regardless of what people say, it works. I've also been completely sober for over a month now - not that I had any problems with drinking, but I thought it was something worth mentioning. I'm taking a full load at school this semester (nothing new, but this is a particularly demanding semester). Overall, I'm excited about my classes, but I can't seem to get my head into studying. If I was one of those people who did well with setting a schedule for myself, I would definitely take the time to do that - but my entire life I've been one of those people who can't seem to focus on anything until the last hour - serious procrastinator.

I've got my web site going live now - actually, there's just a holder page, but I hope to use the site for my web design, jewelry design, with a hidden chunk dedicated for my life (ie. journal, family, friends....that sort of stuff). http://www.shellendesign.com . It just didn't seem right that someone going to school for web design didn't have a site of her own.

Anyways, that's a quick recap of what's been going on here. I'll be posting more often now, I'm always looking for something to do other than study.